This is from the 'Okay, you can't make this stuff up department.'
Like Jack Webb on Dragnet, Detective Steven Davis from the Broward Sheriff's Office was just reporting the facts.
In this case, he responded to a domestic violence call on 104th Avenue in Tamarac, Broward County, Florida. The day was calm. The sun was out. It was a day like any other.
When he arrived, the detective wrote, he met the victim, one Borzoo Yazdanfar. Keep in mind now ever since the days of the police blotter, probable cause affidavits are public records of reported criminal acts.
Says Detective Davis in his report on this date: " The Defendant, Emily Hernandez-Murphy, did knowingly and intentionally batter her live-in Boyfriend by slapping him numerous times with open hand slaps, further grabbing and twisting his testicles, biting his left forearm, and throwing objects at him, because he failed to perform to her satisfaction during sexual intercourse, as she repeatedly verbally abused him by calling him a '10 second Man.' "
Mr. Yazdanfar said he tried to explain to the Defendant that he was tired after working all nite but she refused to accept his excuse for his 'quick performance.' Mr. Yadanfar's injuries were photographed. And Ms. Murphy went to jail. But really, couldn't they have just worked this one out by themselves, alone in a bedroom? Maybe with some ropes.
In court this morning, Magistrate Jay Hurley disposed of the case in a timely manner consistent with Mr. Yazdanfar's sexual skills, wrapping it up 'quickly' with a $1,000 bond and a stay away order. We suspect Ms. Hernandez Murphy will arrange for her bond later today. We hope so. She turns 20 years old this weekend.